Northwest Indiana Discussion

The ANT AND THE GRASSHOPPER

This one is a little different ...
Two Different Versions ....
Two Different Morals
OLD VERSION

The ant works hard in the withering heat all summer long, building his house and laying up supplies for the winter.

The grasshopper thinks the ant is a fool and laughs and dances and plays the summer away.

Come winter, the ant is warm and well fed.

The grasshopper has no food or shelter, so he dies out in the cold.

MORAL OF THE OLD STORY:

Be responsible for yourself!

MODERN VERSION

The ant works hard in the withering heat and the rain all summer long, building his house and laying up supplies for the winter.

The grasshopper thinks the ant is a fool and laughs and dances and plays the summer away.

Come winter, the shivering grasshopper calls a press conference and demands to know why the ant should be allowed to be warm and well fed while he is cold and starving.

CBS, NBC , PBS, CNN, and ABC show up to provide pictures of the shivering grasshopper next to a video of the ant in his comfortable home with a table filled with food. America is stunned by the sharp contrast.

How can this be, that in a country of such wealth, this poor grasshopper is allowed to suffer so?

Kermit the Frog appears
on Oprah
with the grasshopper
and everybody cries when they sing, 'It's Not Easy Being Green...'

ACORN stages
a demonstration in front of the ant's
house where the news stations film the group singing, “We shall overcome.”

Then Rev. Jeremiah Wright
has the group kneel down to pray for thegrasshopper's sake.

President Obama condemns the ant
and blames

President Bush, President Reagan, Christopher Columbus, and the
Pope
for the grasshopper's
plight.

Nancy Pelosi & Harry Reid
exclaim in an interview with Larry
King that the ant has
gotten rich off the back of the
grasshopper,
and both call for an immediate tax hike on the ant to make him pay his fair share.

Finally, the EEOC drafts
the Economic Equity &
Anti-Grasshopper Act
retroactive to the beginning of
the summer.

The ant is fined for failing to hire a proportionate number
of green bugs and,
having nothing left to pay his retroactive taxes, his home is confiscated by the Government GreenCzar
and given to the grasshopper.

The story ends as we see the grasshopper
and his free-loading friends finishing up the last bits of the ant’s food while the government house he is in, which, as you recall, just happens to be the ant's old house,
crumbles around them because the grasshopper doesn't maintain it.

The ant has disappeared in the snow, never to be seen again

The grasshopper is found dead in a drug related incident, and the house, now abandoned, is taken
over by a gang of spiders who terrorize the ramshackle, once prosperous and peaceful, neighborhood.

The entire Nation collapses
bringing the rest
of the free world with it.


MORAL OF THE STORY:


Be careful how you vote in 2010.

a man goes into the hospital for a vasectomy.

Before the procedure the nurse comes in and takes his vitals, then tells him to take all of his clothes off.

When he is fully undressed she instructs him to lie down on the table. The man obeys.

The nurse then takes all of her clothes off and climbs on top and has her way with him.

Upon the completion of the act the man catches his breath and asks what that was all about.


As the nurse is getting dressed she informs the patient that studies have shown that before a vasectomy, if the man has an ejaculation, he will be more relaxed and that the vas is easier for the surgeon to locate and
sever.

The nurse then wheels the patient to the operating room.

While they are going down the hall the patient sees six men in a room masturbating. Curious, the man asks "What are they doing in there"?

The nurse responds, "They are getting vasectomies too, but you have Blue Cross and they have Obama Care.

Liberal Pickup Lines

Actually not an easy task trying to come up with good ones (I'm not sure I did), but it seemed fun to at least attempt. This was inspired by the #LiberalPickupLines hastag on Twitter.

If you're not a fan of juvenile and/or sexual innuendo then some of these may not be for you...consider yourself warned.

Lets go back to my place so we can hike up your taxes and bash some Bush

Can I get someone else to buy you a drink?

Is the money in your pocket inflated or are you just happy to see me?

How about going out for taxes and sex? What?!? You don't like sex?

Reid.....Harry Reid

My safety word is "Lower my taxes"

I'm hung lower than Congress's approval rating

I wanna ride you like a Prius

I'm going to love you 'till Obama reads Arizona's immigration law.

(San Francisco special) Is that a banana in your pocket or are you really a dude

My safety word is "Praise Jesus Amen!"

Fwank....Bawney Fwank

Let me buy you a glass of Blame Bush, its my favorite red whine

You know what they say about guys with big carbon footprints....they have big private jets


Here are some of my favorites from Twitter's #LiberalPickupLines hashtag

"You had me at Mao!"

your mouth says "no," but this order from the 9th District Court of Appeals says "yes"

I get nude for animals. How about you?

Whats a Nice Girl like you doing in an Abortion Clinic like this?

I will make you scream the name of that guy you don't believe in.

My parents aren't home right now."

"I'm a covered benefit under your health insurance plan."

Can I organize your community?"

"Come up to my apartment and I'll show you some REAL inflation."

If you were Afghanistan I would never pull out.


Here are some good ones from a thread at Free Republic.

If I told you you had a nice Pelosi, would you hold it against me

Just call me Ralph Nader. Unsafe at any speed

I love the way you braided your armpit hair.

A pretty little girl named Suzy was standing on the sidewalk in front of her home. Next to her was a basket containing a number of tiny creatures; in her hand was a sign announcing FREE KITTENS.

Suddenly a line of big black cars pulled up beside her. Out of the lead car stepped a tall, grinning man.

"Hi there little girl, I'm President Obama. What do you have in the basket?" he asked.

"Kittens," little Suzy said.

"How old are they?" asked Obama.

Suzy replied, "They're so young, their eyes aren't even open yet."

"And what kind of kittens are they?"

"Democrats," answered Suzy with a smile.

Obama was delighted. As soon as he returned to his car, he called his PR chief and told him about the little girl and the kittens.

Recognizing the perfect photo op, the two men agreed that the president should return the next day; and in front of the assembled media, have the girl talk about her discerning kittens.

So the next day, Suzy was again standing on the sidewalk with her basket of "FREE KITTENS," when another motorcade pulled up, this time followed by vans from ABC, NBC, CBS and CNN.

Cameras and audio equipment were quickly set up, then Obama got out of his limo and walked over to little Suzy.

"Hello, again," he said, "I'd love it if you would tell all my friends out there what kind of kittens you're giving away."

"Yes sir," Suzy said. "They're Republicans."

Taken by surprise, the president stammered, "But... but... yesterday, you told me they were DEMOCRATS."

Little Suzy smiled and said, "I know. But today, they have their eyes open."

The Mexican maid asked for a pay increase. The wife was very upset about this and decided to talk to her about the raise.

She asked: 'Now Maria, why do you want a pay increase?'

Maria: 'Well, Señora, there are tree reasons why I want an increase. The first is that I iron better than you.'

Wife: 'Who said you iron better than me?'

Maria: 'Jor husband say so!'

Wife: 'Oh.'

Maria: 'The second reason is that I am a better cook than you.'

Wife: 'Nonsense, who said you were a better cook than me ?'

Maria: 'Jor husband did!'

Wife: 'Oh!'

Maria: 'The third reason is that I am better at sex than you in bed!'

Wife: (really furious now) 'Did my husband say that as well?

Maria: 'No Señora...the gardener did!'

Wife: 'So how much do you want ?'

I recently applied for a building permit for a new house in Merrillville, IN.

It was going to be 40 ft tall and 400 ft wide with 9 gun turrets at various heights and windows all over the place and a loud outside entertainment sound system.

It would have parking for 200 cars and I was going to paint it snot green with pink trim.

The City Council told me to forget it,,,, AIN'T GONNA HAPPEN !!!!

So I sent in the application again, but this time I called it a Mosque.

.........Work starts on Monday...

--- I truly wish I could take some credit for this...

A GREAT NEW BUSINESS !

A friend of mine just started his own business, manufacturing land mines
that look like Islamic prayer mats.


It's doing well.

He says Prophets are going through the roof.

One day in the future, Barack Obama has a heart-attack and dies.

He immediately goes to hell, where the devil is waiting for him.

"I don't know what to do here," says the devil. "You are on my list, but
I have no room for you. You definitely have to stay here, so I'll tell
you what I'm going to do. I've got a couple of folks here who weren't
quite as bad as you. I'll let one of them go, but you have to take their
place. I'll even let YOU decide who leaves."

Obama thought that sounded pretty good, so the devil opened the door to
the first room.

In it was Ted Kennedy and a large pool of water. Ted kept diving in, and
surfacing, empty handed. Over, and over, and over he dived in and
surfaced with nothing. Such was his fate in hell.

"No," Obama said. "I don't think so. I'm not a good swimmer, and I don't
think I could do that all day long."

The devil led him to the door of the next room.

In it was Al Gore with a sledgehammer and a room full of rocks. All he
did was swing that hammer, time after time after time.

"No, this is no good; I've got this problem with my shoulder. I would be
in constant agony if all I could do was break rocks all day,"
commented Obama.

The devil opened a third door. Through it, Obama saw Bill Clinton, lying
on the bed, his arms tied over his head, and his legs restrained in a
spread-eagle pose. Bent over him was Monica Lewinsky, doing what she
does best.

Obama looked at this in shocked disbelief, and finally said, "Yeah man,
I can handle this."

The devil smiled and said .. . . . .


(This is priceless...)

"OK, Monica, you're free to go."

LOL !!! Wicked, but funny !