Northwest Indiana Discussion

That's REAL cool, Big White "Gay' Guy!

A DAMN FINE EXPLANATION



The wife came home early and found her husband in their bedroom making love to a very attractive young woman and she was somewhat upset. "You are a disrespectful pig!" she cried. "How dare you do this to me -- a faithful wife, the mother of your children! I'm leaving you. I want a divorce straight away!"

And the husband replied, "Hang on just a minute, love, so at least I can tell you what happened."

"Fine, go ahead," she sobbed," but they'll be the last words you'll say to me!"

And the husband began -- "Well, I was getting into the car to drive home, and this young lady here asked me for a lift. She looked so down and out and defenseless that I took pity on her and let her into the car. I noticed that she was very thin, not well dressed and very dirty. She told me that she hadn't eaten for three days. So, in my compassion, I brought her home and warmed up the enchiladas I made for you last night, the ones you wouldn't eat because you're afraid you'll put on weight. The poor thing devoured them in moments. Since she needed a good clean-up, I suggested a shower, and while she was doing that, I noticed her clothes were dirty and full of holes, so I threw them away. Then, as she needed clothes, I gave her the designer jeans that you have had for a few years, but don't use because you say they are too tight. I also gave her the underwear that was your anniversary present, which you don't use because I don't have good taste. I found the sexy blouse my sister gave you for Christmas that you don't use just to annoy her, and I also donated those boots you bought at the expensive boutique and don't use because someone at work has a pair the same."

The husband took a quick breath and continued - "She was so grateful for my understanding and help that as I walked her to the door, she turned to me with tears in her eyes and said, "Please ... Do you have anything else that your wife doesn't use?"




A hospital spokesperson said that he is on life support

in ICU.

In 1986, Peter Davies was on holiday in Kenya after graduating from Northwestern University

On a hike through the bush, he came across a young bull elephant standing with one leg raised in the air. The elephant seemed distressed, so Peter approached it very carefully.

He got down on one knee and inspected the elephant's foot and found a large piece of wood deeply embedded in it. As carefully and as gently as he could, Peter worked the wood out with his hunting knife, after which the elephant gingerly put down its foot. The elephant turned to face the man, and with a rather curious look on its face, stared at him for several tense moments. Peter stood frozen, thinking of nothing else but being trampled. Eventually the elephant trumpeted loudly, turned, and walked away. Peter never forgot that elephant or the events of that day.

Twenty years later, Peter was walking through the Chicago Zoo with his teen aged son. As they approached the elephant enclosure, one of the creatures turned and walked over to near where Peter and his son Cameron were standing. The large bull elephant stared at Peter, lifted its front foot off the ground, then put it down. The elephant did that several times then trumpeted loudly, all the while staring at the man.

Remembering the encounter in 1986, Peter couldn't help wondering if this was the same elephant. Peter summoned up his courage, climbed over the railing and made his way into the enclosure. He walked right up to the elephant and stared back in wonder. The elephant trumpeted again, wrapped its trunk gently around Peter legs, lifting him carefully then slammed his stupid ass against the railing, killing him instantly.

Probably wasn't the same elephant.


This is for all of my friends who send me those stupid heart-warming stories.

lol !!!!!!!!!!!!

HOW TO CALL THE POLICE WHEN YOU'RE OLD AND DON'T MOVE FAST ANYMORE.
George Phillips of Meridian , Mississippi was going up to bed
when his wife told him that he'd left the light on in the
garden shed, which she could see from the bedroom window.
George opened the back door to go turn off the light but saw
that there were people in the shed stealing things. He phoned
the police, who asked 'Is someone in your house?' and he said
'no'. Then they said that all patrols were busy, and that he should
simply lock his door and an officer would be along when available.
George
said, 'Okay,' hung up, counted to 30, and phoned the police
aga in. 'Hello, I just called you a few seconds ago because there
were people stealing things from my shed. Well, you don't have
to worry about them now because I just shot them.' Then he hung up.
Wit hin five minutes six police cars, a SWAT Team, a helicopter, two
fire trucks, a paramedic and an ambulance showed up at the Phillips'
residence and caught the burglars red-handed. One of the Policemen
said to George: 'I thought you said that you'd shot them!' George said,
'I thought you said there was nobody available!'

It is the 50th wedding anniversary for a couple. The old man decides that they need to do something very special, so he tells his wife that they will be doing everything that they did on their honeymoon.

They arrive at the same hotel and get the same room. They move the furniture around to make it just so, and then he says,

"Okay, now we get in opposite corners, take off all of our clothes, turn out the lights and run to embrace each other."

So, they get in opposite corners, take off all of their clothes and run to embrace each other. Fifty years of marriage means that they are in or near their seventies, so their senses are dulled. They miss each other, and he goes flying out the window. They are only on the second floor, so he wakes up in a daze.

He taps on the front window, and the man at the counter says,

"May I help you?"

"I need to get back to my room on the second floor, but no one can see me," says the old man.

"Come on in, no one is going to see you," replies the clerk.

"But I am naked! No one can see me!" replies the old man.

"Come on in. No one will see you. They are all upstairs trying to get some old maid off a doorknob."

George W. Bush, distraught over his worsening approval rating, was jogging through Washington in search of inspiration. Taking a break upon reaching the Washington Monument, he looks up for guidance and says, “George, you were one of our greatest Presidents, what should I do?”

Suddenly, a voice is heard from above. George Washington says to George W, “Abolish the I.R.S. and start over.”

George W, amazed that he’s actually talking to a past President, continues his job and this time stops at the Jefferson Memorial. Uttering a similar question to Thomas Jefferson, America’s author of the Declaration of Independence and one of its great early philosophers, he asks “Thomas, you’ve never had these kinds of problems. What can I do to rally people behind me?” Again a voice from above answers, “Welfare is not working, abolish it and start over.”

Upon hearing such great advice, George gets excited and plans on going to all the historical sites for guidance. Next stop is the Lincoln Memorial to see President Abraham Lincoln, who met his untimely death after winning the Civil War and keeping the country unified. “Abe, I need your help, people are losing confidence in me and they no longer trust me. What should I do?” After a substantial pause Abe replies, “Take the day off George. Go the the theatre.”

Hey pretty funny stuff!

An old black man lived alone in the country.

He wanted to dig his yearly collard green garden,
but it was always very hard work for him because the ground was hard. His only son, Junebug Jankins III, who used to help him, was in prison. The old man wrote a letter to his son and described his predicament.

Dear Junebugg Jankins the III, I am feeling pretty bad because it look like I won't be able to plant my collard green garden this year. I'm just getting too old to be digging up a garden plot. If you were here my troubles would be over. I know you would dig the plot for me. Love Dad

A few days later he received a letter from his son

Dear Daddy Jankins, Whatever you do, don't dig up that garden. That's where I buried the BODIES. Love Junebugg Jankins III

At 4 a.m. the next morning, FBI agents and local police arrived and dug up the entire area without finding any bodies. They apologized to the old man and left. That same day the old man received another letter from his son.

Dear Daddy Jankins, You can go ahead and plant the collard greens now. That's the best I could do under the circumstances. Love Junebugg III.